Oh, Hi :)

Oh well.

Guess what is it that i'm doing now. Apart from blogging, that's it. I'm reading, oh i mean studying for my test coming up this Wed. It's.. tiring. Mentally & physically i mean, come on. My feet still hurt from 2 days ago when i walked & stormed around The Curve shopping in a very unlike-me manner; for God's sake i did not even shop!

You know lately it's like, i'm lost. Sometimes i caught myself doing stuffs i did not mean to do it's like, i'm floating aimlessly on a blanket of sea like a hollow empty clueless insignificant piece of wood.

I do not know what i did, what i'm doing or what i should and have to do and here's the worst part of all, i dont even know what I want to do.

I am pathetic.

Here's a secret i regret. I went out that day, and bought a frigging pair of glasses. That day when i paid for it, i thought it was a good buy. But after talking about it with my dad, after sleeping through a night partially thinking about it, my subconscious tells me it's not quite worth it. Jeez.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I'm supposed to study now i mean damn it. Everytime with me it's like i think i know what i should do, but because it's me, i do not go on doing stuff i plan to do.

It's like, it takes a lot for me to trust myself. It's wrong i know. But that's just it. I don't know whatever it is that makes me always so doubtful about myself; i mean well it could me my past, my childhood - i was the quiet type since primary school, back then it was about my looks, i didnt feel like talking much to anyone because i looked crappy, i cared too much about others opinion, and then as i grew older, it became my character. I was conservative, and reserved and those traits, they blended in with my personality, making me who i was, and really, thinking over about it now, i realize it makes me me too. Today, now.

I really admire girls like Serena van der Woodsen. Everything to her, just comes true so effortlessly. Haha. I've been watching Gossip Girls a lot lately. It's old i know, but i like it. Like, really. While i was watching it i was thinking about them, Serena and Blair, and i thought to myself, i wanna be like Blair, in control, confident, influential, in need.

I believe in me, when times get bad. Because i know, always, i cant be that bad.

Haha i dont know if you could understand me, i wanna write more, but i really gotta get back to studying.

So, times can be bad, i can be bad; but please do trust me always - i can't be perfect, i can't be extraordinary, i can't be like all those overachievers everyone admires; but i can do better i know, i know i can, and that's a secret ive always known deep down my heart.

That i can

:)